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Your sissy lifestyle is a dirty little secret to you. Unlike some and a lot like many, you hide your sissy side behind closed doors. Unlike most, however, you hide yourself; not because of the fear of your friends and your family finding out who you truly are. This means very little to you actually. You hide out of your own shame.
Dressing like a sissy is an urge that you can not stop. You have to act on it. It is a driving force like a sneeze you can not stop. Every time though when you sneak off to dress in your frilly sissy clothing you feel shame. You feel disgusting and you feel dirty and defiled by doing this to yourself.